Giancarlo DiTrapano

Do You Feel Bigger Than What You Are?

I found the twitter feed of a gainer a couple of months ago.

He started at 205lbs in 2002 and is now at 560. He doubled his weight in exactly five years and hit 500 in March of 2011.

The feed led to a formspring where he has been documenting his gain more extensively. He has many fans, people who like to follow his progress. He posts headless photographs of himself standing in the same position (one foot up on a chair) and in the same pair of shorts (which he wears exclusively for the photo documentation).

It is a mistake to think that this is entirely sexual, but it is also a mistake to think it's entirely not.

He visits the doctor regularly, and there are no signs of serious health problems. He is still young. He will reconsider when problems arise.

Eating is done more out of the desire to gain than out of hunger. His appetite is satiated several plates before his desire to grow is. When his body tells him he has had enough food, he tells it, "Then you'll be able to turn this right into fat, won't you?" and continues to eat.

At his unsexiest moments he still wants more size. When he was younger he was confused, because he thought he was only attracted to bigger men. Once he found a bigger man for himself, he realized that what he wanted was to become one. He doesn't yet feel like himself. The bigger he gets, the better, the more like himself, he feels.

He considers his weight only in sets of five pounds. He doesn't consider three pounds to be a gain. He has to gain five, and then keep it at that number (or higher) for more than a week to consider it an achievement, to consider it as coming any closer to who he feels he is.

His fans ask him questions. He tells them, "Actually it's the contrary, because it used to bother me. You'd be surprised how many passing cars yell, 'Hey fat ass!' Especially on weekend nights, which I avoided going out on. But now the bigger I get, and the closer I come to feeling myself, the less I care about how others view me, or what they say."

He knows how insensitive the world can be. "It's the last accepted prejudice. A lot of the time people don't know they've hurt someone with what they've said. I feel like I've gotten beyond where anyone can hurt me anymore."

"Can you retract your prepuce when you urinate or is your pubic fat too large now? When are you going to have your prepuce circumcised?" As one body part grows, nearby body parts (and their functions) can also be affected. This must be dealt with. He is saving for the procedure.

He is exactly as round as he is tall, but he is indifferent to this fact. When it comes to numbers, the only ones that excite him are those of weight, not length or width.

Gainers dating civilians is not recommended. He dated one, and it was a disaster. He tried dating encouragers and feeders, seemingly perfect matches, but never found one he got along with. Now that he is alone, his life is going more smoothly. When he reaches his goal weight, dating a civilian would be more feasible. He would like to be happy with himself first.

He has a goal weight, but he doesn't know what it is. He'll know when he gets there. Gaining has allowed him to think less about his body as he goes about his daily life because he doesn't ever have to worry about being wrong.

"Do you feel bigger than what you are?"

Plateaus are reached and can be discouraging. Weeks will go by where he doesn't gain. He theorizes that a plateau is an amount of time given to his body, by his body, so that it may prepare its infrastructure for the next big gain.

He doesn't like having a body. The fact that it's a big body is the only reason he keeps it.

He remembers his unhappiness when he was less than half his current size.

Do you feel bigger than what you are? Do you feel what you are? What you are do you feel? Do feel are you?

He wants to one day step into his bathtub, lie down in it, and fill the tub to the rim with his flesh.

Giancarlo DiTrapano is 6ft, 200lbs, blond-Italian, straight-acting, 7inch, cut, top. He is the editor of the New York Tyrant and Tyrant Books.