Theresa Columbus

Scene 6: Dance and Talk Scene

(At beginning of scene Self dances to saxophone music, doing both tap and modern dances, to a little audience which is sitting on stage. Finishes dance, audience cheers)

Self: OK, OK, now I have a joke for you. I wrote it when I was 9 years old!

(Audience cheers)

So there was a lady with very, very long hair, hair that went all the way to the floor. So a man plucked one hair from her head, and he was an auctioneer, and asked the people who would want to buy the hair for a dollar?

JB: Do you mean to say you aren’t going to give us any more context than that for the lady and the auctioneer? That’s hilarious!

(Audience laughs heartily)

Self: You are such a perceptive audience! That’s all for the lady! From here on out it’s just her hair! So someone in the crowd said (singing) me, me, me, me, me, me, me. And so the auctioneer said, how about 100 dollars? And someone said (singing) me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me. And he said, can I hear 1000 dollars? How about 1000 dollars for this hair . . . and the voice said (singing) me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me!

AB: I think I know where this is going -- this is so funny!

(Audience laughs)

Self: Yeah, yeah! So he goes: A million dollars? And the voice said (sung) me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me!

(Self starts jumping around, dancing)

Sold! One hair for one million dollars! Come right up! Come right on up! . . . But no one came up! And the auctioneer asked, who wanted this hair for one million dollars?? And the voice said, Oh, I was just practicing my singing: (singing) me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me!

(Big laugh and cheer)

JT: Were you dancing as part of the joke, or because you got excited?

Self: Neither, I was dancing for real!

Liz: Is it cool if I act like I am dancing?

Self: Sure, can I act that with you?

Liz: Sure!

(Liz and Self do dance)

JB: I brought some cookies!

AB: Let’s watch each other eat them!

(All watch each other eat cookies, then take bow.)

Theresa Columbus is an artist who lives in Baltimore, MD.